so I went for a walk...

This past weekend I went to a lovely wedding of some wonderful people (more on that in another blogpost) and needed to retrieve my car the following day. My roommate was otherwise occupied and it seemed ridiculous to pay for an Uber/cab when I was fully capable of walking to get it. I didn't have anything else to do and it was nice outside, so I headed out for the 1.5 hour trek...

Never in my life have I been more terrified for my safety than in that hour and a half (and truthfully, I've done some dumb/not-super-safe stuff in my life).

There were cars that slowed down to very obviously give me a once over. There were men yelling profane things out of their cars at me. There were men honking at me. There was even one man who slowed down, followed me for a bit, and then even parked his car in front of me to block my path. When I did not welcome his advances, he began yelling horrendous things at me. Not only was the slowing down, following me and blocking my path terrifying enough, his reaction to my lack of interest in him was just a more violent escalation of what already felt like a violent invasion of my space.

I'd like to say that this was an isolated incident. That it just happened that on Sunday the men in Omaha were especially rude.

But I know it's not.

Most women have their own version of this story. Most of us have many versions of this story. I learned how to hold keys in my hand in the attempt to protect myself from an attacker when I was in early high school for goodness sake. It's engrained in our culture as women. There are books (Everyday Sexism by Laura Bates), hashtags (#whenIwas), and Twitter accounts (@EverydaySexism) devoted to this topic <--those are just the ones I know off the top of my head. It's not isolated to the United States either; it's quite pervasive in many countries. We are told as women that it is our responsibility to keep the street harassers happy so that they don't hurt us--never mind our own safety or comfort in responding to those who put us in that situation in the first place. We are taught that it is our responsibility to not get raped.

Who is teaching the street harassers that it's their responsibility not to make people feel so uncomfortable, fearful and vulnerable? 

Not that any of this information should be pertinent, but for those of you whom I know are asking if this is somehow my fault...

• I did not walk through any "bad" neighborhoods of the city.
• I put bad in quotation marks because all too often "bad neighborhood" is a thinly-veiled euphemism for communities who are impoverished and/or are minority racial or ethnic groups. In this case, I was walking partially through a suburb and otherwise through gentrified areas--both of which are predominantly filled with white, middle class people. 
• I was not wearing revealing clothing.
• I had a sweatshirt and capri workout pants on. Pretty much the only skin showing were my calves and my face. My calves are pretty great, but not that great to attract the attention of drivers.
• I was not walking at night.
• It was the middle of the afternoon/early evening. Super sunny outside. A little too much wind for my taste.

Please do not patronize me by saying "well it's not all guys...blah, blah, blah." There were hundreds of cars passing me. Not. A. Single. Woman. driving past made me feel unsafe in any manner. No women slowed down and gave me the once over. No women yelled profane things out their windows. No women honked or threw anything at me. No women were offended when I politely declined their advances and none of them responded in a violent way either (by cursing at me, following me, or otherwise asserted their dominance). 

I'm so incredibly sick of the culture where this sort of behavior is tolerated and is supposed to be welcomed by women (comments such as: it's just a compliment, etc. further this notion). It might not be all men, but it's enough that even in 1.5 hours in a relatively small city, I was made to feel like a piece of meat to be oogled at. It might not be all men, but I also don't hear/see enough of you that claim it isn't you telling all the others to shut up and quit making women feel unsafe. If you aren't doing the street harassment and want claim that it isn't all men, actually do something to change the culture so that I believe you. I don't have any concrete suggestions for those of you men who want to help, but calling out other men who are doing these behaviors is certainly a good first step...

I should to be able to take a walk on a nice afternoon and not fear for my safety. Street harassment is not a compliment and I'm tired of pretending as though it is for fear of my safety if I politely ignore such comments. 

**I also want to note that certainly men are victims of violence and sexual assault at the hands of women or even other men. I'm not discounting that in any way. But street harassment is certainly not as pervasive for men as it is for women.