presently

This past week I started reading a blog during my down-time (aka whenever I'm eating and need a brain break). The blog is all about living like you only have 37 days left to live. I've really enjoyed reading it because the lady that writes it has a very interesting point of view on life. She is not only a writer and motivational speaker, but also a mother of several children. She writes about the books she's reading, poetry, and things she finds beautiful. It's refreshing to read something positive juxtaposed against the majority of depressing news I read daily.

One of the posts I read was about living in the present moment. She talks about taking a positive pause every once in a while. I think this little break was definitely something I needed. I've been feeling behind in my studies and quite discouraged about how my upcoming exam would turn out, but one small reminder about the beauty of the world around me was just what I needed to put things into perspective.

This blog has me thinking though (dangerous, I know). What am I concerned with presently? Am I living in the current moment?

Absolutely not.

Truthfully, I am terrible at living in the now. I generally spend my time planning for the future. I've been trained to do so. Even now, I've been told that I should start considering where I want to do my residency (which is 3.5 years away), so that I can get an externship there my 4th year in med school, so they fall in love with me, pick me as a resident and so the rest of my life is perfect...yada, yada, yada. I've had to think at least 3 steps ahead of where I am for most of my academic career so that I could actually get into school and continue on my educational path. So what is it that is currently occupying my mind?

Presently, I am...

• worried about my upcoming exam.
• wishing it were summer so that I could travel!
• wondering what I will be doing over Spring Break.
• planning to make chex mix and puppy chow tomorrow. (I've been going through this odd period where I am always craving Chex Mix.)
• making a to-do list of all of the things I need to accomplish this weekend.
• thankful for the day off from classes on Monday.
• looking forward to sleeping on Thursday night after my exam...I have a feeling that this week will be exhausting! 
• excited to see my wonderful friend Beau in February when we go to the Harry Potter musical, Potted Potter!
• wishing I somehow (miraculously) understood cardiovascular physiology so that I didn't have to study anymore. 
• determining which days in the coming semester will be the best to go visit my preceptor.
• reminding myself to sign up for STD screening at the jail this semester. 
• wondering what I will do this summer to make an income and pass the time. 
• daydreaming of going to bed early tonight...although that's highly unlikely.
• looking forward to sushi this week as part of our pre-test ritual!
• thinking about makeovers/decorations for my apartment that someday I might have time to complete.

And the list goes on...none of those were now things. I really am terrible at the now. I always have been. Or at least I have been for as long as I can remember. 

I am vowing, here on the intrawebs where anyone and everyone can read it, to work on living in the now. I'm sure it won't be a quick transformation for me, but I am only vowing to work on it, not to perfect it. Here goes nothing!